denial and math.

It has gotten considerably colder these last few days, but I don't want to accept this. Therefore, I continue to go out only in a sweatshirt and jeans, stuff my hands in my pockets so my fingers don't fall off, and occasionally wear a second pair of socks.

Sure, I look ridiculous, but I can still dream that one day I'll wake up and the sun will be pouring in my windows with a balmy, summer breeze blowing in.

My math exam today made me understand the real meaning of "math problem." The exam was insanely difficult, moreso than the four practice tests I did and all the quizzes we've had in class so far, so the only thing I can hope for is that they'll curve the hell out of it. Everyone else I've talked to seems to agree with me though, including the smart kid who was in my team homework group. This is somewhat encouraging, if not depressing.



I don't like calculus, I've decided. Or at least, I don't like the way it's taught here. Here it's promoted that we understand the theory of math, and its applications. I miss just being taught a formula and having all the right answers just fall in place one after another.

And to be honest, I found it easier to care about something that I both understood and consistently produced a correct answer for. This is not the way to be, I'm supposed to embrace difficult problems and trudge through them like the math maverick I am. But no, I'm only human, and like a five year old might relate to, if I don't understand something, it's stupid.

This is how children work. If they can't grasp something, or it's more difficult than they're used to, it's dumb and they stop trying.

Well, calculus is dumb and I forgot to eat dinner today.