denial and math.

It has gotten considerably colder these last few days, but I don't want to accept this. Therefore, I continue to go out only in a sweatshirt and jeans, stuff my hands in my pockets so my fingers don't fall off, and occasionally wear a second pair of socks.

Sure, I look ridiculous, but I can still dream that one day I'll wake up and the sun will be pouring in my windows with a balmy, summer breeze blowing in.

My math exam today made me understand the real meaning of "math problem." The exam was insanely difficult, moreso than the four practice tests I did and all the quizzes we've had in class so far, so the only thing I can hope for is that they'll curve the hell out of it. Everyone else I've talked to seems to agree with me though, including the smart kid who was in my team homework group. This is somewhat encouraging, if not depressing.



I don't like calculus, I've decided. Or at least, I don't like the way it's taught here. Here it's promoted that we understand the theory of math, and its applications. I miss just being taught a formula and having all the right answers just fall in place one after another.

And to be honest, I found it easier to care about something that I both understood and consistently produced a correct answer for. This is not the way to be, I'm supposed to embrace difficult problems and trudge through them like the math maverick I am. But no, I'm only human, and like a five year old might relate to, if I don't understand something, it's stupid.

This is how children work. If they can't grasp something, or it's more difficult than they're used to, it's dumb and they stop trying.

Well, calculus is dumb and I forgot to eat dinner today.

well don't i feel silly.

Today I went to a class that was cancelled. Actually, it's been cancelled the whole time, I just neglected to notice it on the syllabus. Luckily, I wasn't the only one, and got to chat with a kid from Texas for a few minutes while I recovered from my mad dash from one building to another.

I have my first math exam tomorrow and a biology presentation. Dun dun dun. News on this to come.

On a different note, I started a new personal project today. I have a tree in front of my room, and it's in the process of changing colors from summer its summer green to its autumnal reds. Everyday I'm going to take a picture of it and then put it together in some sort of movie showing it changing. I'm aware that this has been done, and I'm angry I didn't start when the tree was completely green, but oh well. I think my biggest worry is that I'll fall out of my window when taking said pictures.

I suppose that tree is somewhat like me. It is ever changing, but in a routine manner. Next summer, I will return home, and get to see everyone that I knew and loved from high school. Then in the fall, I'll return to the university to be introduced to an entirely new slew of people, with a few near and dear ones thrown back in. So on and so forth, at least for the next couple years.

However, someday this will be forever changed. Eventually I'll have my own place to live, and my circle of friends will morph into something entirely different than what I used to know. This is where my similarity with that tree ends. I will move on to bigger and better things, this stupid tree will not budge. And it will continually change colors, lose its leaves, and grow slightly: until it dies.

In short, I don't want to end up like the tree. I don't want to grow complacent with my life, and develop such a predictable routine that everyone could calculate exactly where I would be at any given time. But at the same time, my undeniable fear of change is tugging at my heels, and urging me to cling to the past like there's no tomorrow. This blog is to help me monitor my so-called, "moral and psychological evolution," I've decided. So I can both keep track of memories and where exactly I'm headed.

I apparently do a lot of thinking when I don't have to sit through another mind-numbing archaeology lecture. A few other things that are somewhat noteworthy: the lab work is going well, as is the boy situation, and my blistered hand is healing nicely.

Anyway, time to go scavenge food and try and loosen my roots a bit.

tennis and dedication.

So, I told myself that I wouldn't let this blog die. I wouldn't let it fade into oblivion like my livejournal and other blog on this website. No, this time would be different. I shall scold myself for not writing yesterday.

Bad, Kate. Bad.

Anyway. Today was a busy, fun-filled day. I volunteered to go sort some medication, went and played tennis with a grad student, then went and played through a recreational team here.

Con, my hand "resembles Freddy Kreuger's." I think I have some sort of issue where my skin is too soft, because I have five brand spanking new blisters blossoming on my palm. It's highly unfortunate.

Despite this, I feel amazing. It feels so good to get back out and hit, even if I did so in a rather unimpressive manner.

Today my roommate and I discussed what kind of pet we would like, or what we could get away with in our dorm. I suggested a turtle, but she isn't too keen on the idea. She wants a cat. We're not allowed cats in here. I could see this ending badly if we did adopt a feline friend.

Here in college, I've come to realize how much I miss home. I miss my puppy, and the ease of finding a friend who wants to do something utterly nuts, and my parents. Having a car and my dad's cooking were also greatly underappreciated when I lived there. My newfound freedom is a perk though, even if it means I have to muster up the energy to do my own laundry and wake myself up in the morning.

I believe I'm venturing home this weekend. We have a four day break, and I intend to make the most of it.

On a very random note, a few friends and I spent a majority of yesterday on youtube, discovering the very weirdest things it has to offer. If you want to laugh, look up "ninja cat," and click the first one, and Brandon Hardesty's "Funny faces and noises I can make (I-IV)." Time well spent.



I apologize if this entry is even more scatter-brained than normal. Having spent a good part of the day realizing how out of shape I am, my thought process is considerably slower.

Off to bed. Goodnight Moon.

fast slow kids.

Fridays are possibly my busiest days of the week. I'm beginning to despise it, although the extremely long naps I take after my biology lecture ends are always fantastic. I awoke at the crack of dawn today to head off to the vascular biology lab for three and a half hours, I scarfed down some chili for lunch, and then I went to my introductory Italian course.

This class was very amusing, for a change. We worked on translations, and me and the hilarious kid to my right worked together, although considerably slower than the rest of the class. We also made up new, much more logical, definitions for -are verbs. (See list below.)

However, despite our mediocre translating skills and tortoise pace, the class itself went by much faster than it normally does. When I pointed this out, my neighbor just said, "Well, we're the slow kids, but at least we're fast slow kids."

I simply responded with, "Yeah. It's like we're stuck on the short bus, but it's going a million miles an hour."

It rained all day today. I don't mind the rain, but I hate wet shoes and socks. My feet are currently nestled comfortably under the radiator, for they've been frozen all day and it's a nasty feeling. I find it strange that something that is such a small aspect of my day can put such a damper on it.

It also bothers me when my socks don't match. I think I just have a complex about my feet and what I put on them. These are relatively weird things to be annoyed by, but everyone has their own idiosyncrasies. Some are just more amusing than others.

Well, before I make the two foot journey over to my bed, here is my somewhat abbreviated, promised list of modified Italian verbs. (The real meaning is in parentheses, our meaning after.)

Pensare-(To think) To write with a pen.
Pranzare-(To eat lunch) To prance.
Viaggiare-(To travel) To be a vegetable.
Ballare-(To dance) To ball, or to be a baller.
Lavorare-(To work) To levitate.
Lavare-(To wash) To fall in lava.
Ispezionare-(To inspect) To be special.
Imparare-(To learn) To imply a party.

It's perfectly acceptable to use these in conjunction with English. (Also known as Italianglish, pronounced it-al-ee-ang-lish.) For example, saying, "I'm lavoraring!" or "I enjoy prazaring through the park," is fine.

Or at least it would be in a perfect world.

the lucky scarf.

I am currently in a fantastic mood, and I've decided to attribute it to the return of my lucky scarf. I'm not superstitious, but throughout the day, while wearing it, a lot more good things have happened to me, than if I had left it at home in the closet.

Well first off, I like the way the scarf looks. Although it's the green and white, it still very much resembles something I would wear during the winter at Hogwarts.

But anyway. I was at home today, ran a regionals site for my high school's varsity boy's tennis team. They made it to the state tournament. My current boy interest has stopped being a colossal ass-hat. I got a cookie from a club meeting I went to. I passed my integral gateway exam for calculus, earning me ten extra credit points for the class. I found five dollars under my bed today, and the spare key I was worrying I lost. Tomorrow is Friday!

However, one thing bothered me today. I went to Tim Horton's this morning, for a hot chocolate, being that it was colder this morning that it has been all year. I paid my $1.60, then drove off the the tennis courts where I'd be working, and then decided to taste the beverage.

It was coffee. That tasted astonishingly watery. I drank it anyway, but was left with gross breath until I bummed some gum off of someone. Coincidentally enough, I didn't have the scarf on when I placed my unfortunate order.

I would not have had coffee breath had they gotten my order right. I feel bad for the person who ended up with MY drink, and I wonder how they handled the surprise.

I hope they made a scene. It makes me feel slightly mischievous is MY drink was the weapon in a scenario, or a projectile. It's almost like my order caused a sequence of events that lead to something momentous.

However, I have managed to cope with the fact that this probably didn't happen.


P.S. There were two cops in line in front of me for the drive-thru at Timmy Ho's. I couldn't help but laugh.

the joy of snail mail.

What an unexceptional day. My biology lab group continues to grow more ridiculous, and I love them for it, while calculus continues to grow exponentially more difficult. I also haven't worn makeup or done my hair in about three days now, but I haven't progressed to the point of wearing sweatpants continuously or donning clothes that have previously been worn numerous times. Yet.

Out of the ordinary, two significant things happened. I received news that my great aunt had passed away, and I got a letter from my best friend.

In all honesty, I was not close to my great aunt. I loved her as a family member, and I'm very sad she is no longer with us, but I seldom saw her, unless she accompanied us on a semi-annual family trip to Mackinac Island. However, I regret not getting to know her more. Humans store a lifetime worth of memories, and a majority of them never get told. They then vanish when the human does.

I feel worse for those that were close to her, such as my grandma, who no longer has anyone she can share her childhood memories with. I don't exactly know how I would feel about that. Being alone.

On a more cheerful note. I received a letter in the mail from my best friend. There's something much more satisfying about snail mail than there is a Facebook message or an e-mail. Anyway, after opening the meticulously decorated dinosaur envelope, three things fell out. A small note, a picture of us with a stunningly creepy old man in the background, and a picture of an axolotl, my favorite creature.

These items would mean nothing to someone else. It makes you appreciate having such a friend and having things that only you two would understand. I miss having her around all the time to accomplish ridiculous things whenever we want. But, life goes on, and it's not like we've moved to different planets.

Overall, it's been a rather bland day, and I really do not want to attend my research program's seminar tonight.

captain bloodbins.

The early part of today, in retrospect, could have ended terribly. I overslept, having turned off my alarm in my sleep deprived stupor, and then spent a good half hour composing a very apologetic email to my research supervisor as to why I wouldn't be able to make it into lab today.

I proceeded to go back to bed after this, managed to somehow turn off my alarm again, and awoke with a mere ten minutes to get ready and run off to take my archaeology exam.

Thankfully, it was possibly the easiest test I have ever taken. I finished with about forty-five minutes to spare, but really didn't have to rush off anywhere, so I drew a stick figure pirate. Naming him Captain Bloodbins, I then detailed his adventures in finding treasure, sailing across the bottom of the nine-page test, and then being killed by a ninja at the end. I'm hoping my GSI is good-natured, and finds my illustrations as entertaining as I did. She probably won't.

I submitted this story to mylifeisaverage.com. I'm hopeful I'll have my ten seconds of fame, and the popularity of Captain Bloodbins will peak. I adore this website. However, I have noticed the general evolution of it, growing from truly average stories, such as "Today I went to work. Then I ate cereal for dinner. MLIA," to very outlandish things that make you wonder if people have made up. Present stories deal with Harry Potter, magic, dinosaurs, superheroes, and amusing things older generations have said.

On the other hand, these newer stories are small miracles. If they are presumed true, it's a hilarious thought to imagine your friend creating a bat signal on one of their lamps. Or in my case, documenting the life of a two-dimensional pirate. Both of these indeed happened, and in general, I think these small gestures that make people laugh are much needed in today's society.

Lunch today was disgusting. It consisted of some sort of Asian/Mexican infusion, and the end result was completely unappetizing. Dessert was a plus.

So here I sit. Evaluating a very simple website, talking to a friend via Skype, and trying to figure out when the earliest I can get dinner is. And as every college student could admit to, procrastinating inevitable homework.

On that note, I think I'll go do something else MLIA worthy. Like make a fort in my dorm room and have a Star Wars marathon.